Coming soon to a Costco near you

What do five pounds of butter, seven tubs of Cool Whip, two opened bags of tater tots, a barely touched package of frozen spinach, a dozen bananas in freezer bags and 20 pairs of bread loaf heels have in common? They were all un-earthed (would the better term be un-frosted?) from the recesses of my freezer today.

The problem, I've concluded, is that the freezer has a back. I mean seriously, the problem has to be with the machine, right? It couldn't be me! What I should do right now is patent the back-less freezer. All the food would be stored either in the door, or on the ten-inch-deep front shelf. Without a "way back" to put frozen goods, they could never get lost and forgotten behind the more frequently accessed foods.

This would also work great with the refrigerator, since foods often make their way to the rear and don't migrate forward again until they're beyond recognition (this is particularly true of leftovers). Keeping all the goods right in front is the key to successful waste prevention.

Granted this new style of appliance wouldn't hold as much food as a standard refrigerator/freezer, so to compensate it would have to be wider. Perhaps a six-foot-wide model would be ideal? Just think of all the space this would provide for drawings, snapshots and all those magnetic letters and numbers! I don't know about you, but things are getting a little crowded on my fridge -- a few more square feet would be quite welcome!

Yes, indeed, the day these babies hit the production line will be a great day for all who call the kitchen their second home. Look for them soon in all major appliance distribution centers.